The Art (Challenge?) of Stillness

Uncategorized Dec 05, 2019

Originally posted 9/5/19

Stillness. Presence.  I know how important these are.  I get it.  Over the past several days, the Universe has been popping little messages into my day, "Be still in this moment."  "Live in the present moment, without fear or worry about the future."  Book passages, social media posts, comments from others...I hear ya, loud and clear!
And I absolutely feel how grounding this can be.

The challenge I am having, though, is that whenever I am still, I think of 452,786 things I need to be doing.  I'm a mom.  The work-load is never done.  Literally, NEVER.  So, yes, I could working on that to-do list til my children graduate from college and it still wouldn't be done.  

And when I'm not ticking off boxes, I find myself looking for ways to "unwind" (aka numb out).  When I do allow myself a break, I get a strong urge to scroll through social media.  With my phone always by my side, the temptation is so real....

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Synchronicity! AKA a message from the Universe. <3

Uncategorized Dec 05, 2019

Originally posted 9/6/19

I had a synchronous (is that word?) moment yesterday, and I have to share.

Based on recommendations, I started reading a book called A Happy Pocket Full of Money, by David Cameron Gikandi. (And by started reading, I mean I got through the introduction and the first page or two.  I am super excited to read the book, I just wasn't in the right frame of mind to absorb it last night, and I want to soak it all up.)

The man who wrote the introduction is Bob Doyle, who was a contributor on The Secret.  After reading the intro, and deciding I would wait until later to actually read the meaty part, I read the bio of the author. I learned that he was a creative consultant for The Secret.  So, clearly, they have ties to The Secret.  Which makes sense, since the Law of Attraction seems to be a theme for both.

Anyway, I put down the book and picked up my phone (ugh, yes...slightly embarrassing to admit). I noticed that I had new notifications from...

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Momma Said There'd Be Days Like This

Uncategorized Dec 05, 2019

Originally posted 9/13/19

Actually, she didn't.  But I know that every day can't be filled with unicorns and rainbows.  I mean, come on..unicorns don't exist (insert tears here) and rainbows only show up after the dark, rainy moments anyway.

All of this to say that today has been kind of blah for me.  For no specific reason at all.  I woke up irritable and have found myself falling into victim mentality.  I'm annoyed by everything, and find myself blaming other people for my feelings, ("If that person wouldn't have been so irritating, I would be fine right now.")  Ridiculous, right?

So, once I figured out that this was on ME and took responsibility for my feelings (I didn't happen right away, trust me), I decided to just let myself feel allll the cranky feelings.  Luckily, I had an opportunity to take time alone to do this...I certainly didn't want to keep projecting onto others.  So, I sat and stewed in my "misery".

Then, guess...

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Your Body is a Wonderland.

Uncategorized Dec 05, 2019

Originally posted 9/19/19

Seriously though.  Can we just take a moment to appreciate how freaking amazing our bodies are?

It's so easy to get caught up in the things we despise about this vessel that we call our body.  Shall I name a few of mine?  The dimples in my thighs, my thighs themselves, the way my nose crooks to one side (pretty sure that is a by-product of being head-butted one too many times by a squirming baby/toddler), my fat upper arms, the jiggli-ness of my belly these days, the stretch marks on my belly (and too many other places)...Honestly, the sad thing is, this all came very easily to me, and I could go on and on..and on and on.

But humor me for a minute...Let's think about the parts of our body that we love.  And it doesn't have to be aesthetically, although that works too.  Without even having to ask, our body functions in perfect ways to keep us going.  We breathe, our heart pumps, our muscles move whichever way (within...

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Mom-Guilt; Ditch it.

Uncategorized Dec 05, 2019

Originally posted 9/23/19

The mom guilt is real, ya’ll.

No matter what I do, which choice I make, the guilt is hanging over me.

There is guilt about sending my little guy to preschool 5 days a week,
instead of keeping him home with me.

There is the guilt I felt when I kept him home. He was so bored, I was so busy, he wasn’t getting ENOUGH.

There is the guilt that pops up when I feel that I didn’t discipline my kids harshly enough (“they need to learn”).

And then there is the guilt when I yell.

There is the guilt I felt about not being “more than a stay-at-home mom”.

And then there is the guilt I felt when I had the drive to do something more, to extend my reach further.

SO MUCH FREAKING GUILT.  It is so emotionally exhausting.

I know I’m not alone here, mom-guilt threads it’s way into sooo many of our minds.

This guilt - it comes from a beautiful, pure place; the desire to be the absolute best, most perfect parent...

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BE. Here. Now.

Uncategorized Dec 05, 2019

Originally posted on 9/30/19

Be.  Just BE. Seriously, now, in this moment; take a breath and allow yourself to feel the intake of oxygen and how it rejuvenates your cells.

In the course of our days, filled with so much DOING, we forget how it feels to BE.

Stillness, presence...these are what we get to experience NOW.  Whenever we choose to, we can ignite the life within us and live it, feel it.

We are not simply robots, meant to accomplish at all times.  We are human BEINGS here to feel and experience.

Last week, this lesson kept coming back to me.  I have an old story that tells me I have to be performing at full speed in order to be worthy, productive.  Slowly, I am reframing that.  Yes, being busy and getting it allll done feels so good; unless I’m forcing it.  Then it feels terrible.

I definitely felt like I was trying to force the accomplishment last week.  It just didn't feel right, but I kept pushing... There were things that needed...

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Vulnerability...My Sticky Truth

Uncategorized Dec 05, 2019

Originally posted 10/3/19

 

I knew vulnerability was necessary.  I “knew” it.  But it only now just occurred to me...

I wasn’t actually being truly vulnerable.  I was being vulnerable enough.  I was opening up just enough, showing more of myself than I normally would.  And I thought I WAS being vulnerable.  And I suppose I was.  But the truth is, I wasn’t being truly authentic..I was allowing myself to be open, but only to the point where I was comfortable; never leaving my comfort zone.

I realize now, being vulnerable means being cracked open.  It means truly showing your humanity, your humanness. If you are going to say you’re open to being vulnerable (as I was), that means truly being seen.

I just cried because I realize now how closed off I have been, even though I wanted to be open.  My intention truly has been to allow myself to be seen.  I’ve just realized that I haven't been fully...

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Surrender.

Uncategorized Dec 05, 2019

Originally posted 10/14/19

 

How often do you do it?

Surrender that is.

Do you, like me, find yourself trying to make sure every little detail is just so?

Trying to control every step of every process?

It’s a safety mechanism.  Thinking that we have control over the minute details of our lives allows us to feel a modicum of safety.  If we can predict how exactly the dishes will be washed and put away, it allows us to feel like we are the creator and controller of our lives.

Sounds silly, but it’s true.

Maybe, like Rumi said, it’s time to try something different.

Surrendering the control, trusting that everything is happening for us in perfect timing, allows our life to play out just as it should.

That doesn’t mean we don’t get to make choices and decisions.  We do.  It simply means we trust our instincts, make the decision, and let go of trying to control the outcome.

We get to let go of the...

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